I’m going to be honest, this is a post that I’ve had in my drafts for a while and wanted it to go live a couple weeks ago, but I could never figure out the right words to say with it.
In middle school, I was bullied BAD by two girls. I’m pretty sure this is where my anxiety came from to be honest. They made 6th grade and some of 7th grade honestly the worst years of my life. The worst part is that they were once my BEST friends. Side note: I heard one is a drug addict now and the other is facing prison time, sooooo that kinda makes me feel better. lol, but that’s totally another blog post.
With that experience, I pretty much went into a shell. I didn’t want to trust people and I certainly didn’t want to be myself around anyone, for fear that it I would get judged and be bullied again. I pretty much stayed in that shell until high school. During that time, I opened a little bit, but I always had my guard up. This held me back from being my best self all the time. When I went to college, I opened up a bit more. It’s kind of weird, but I compare myself to an onion. Okay, hear me out. The further I got from middle school, I felt like I would come open up more…slowly and one layer at a time.
When I began blogging, I was SO SO SO scared to be myself. Whether it be through my content or Instagram stories. It wasn’t until my junior year college that I realized….I’m actually a pretty, amazing person and if someone didn’t see that, then that’s their loss. See ya haters!! I think college helped a ton because everyone is honestly going through the same thing…trying to figure out who they are, all while running off of 2 hours of sleep. I mean when you’re pulling all nighters, there’s seriously no time for being judgemental and everyones honestly just a hot mess.
And even though I’m sooo far in debt because of student loans, I wouldn’t take that time back for ANYTHING. I mean not only did I get an amazing education, but it was a time when I truly learned who I was, what I wanted, and how to get it. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.
Recently I started being myself more on Insta stories, in blog posts, & on social media content and let me tell you….I’ve received SOOOO many DM’s telling me how funny I am, my blog views have gone up, and my Instagram / Pinterest is doing better than ever. See, I was always so scared to talk on stories in fear of what people might say, but after just taking a leap into it, I’ve found out a couple things about myself:
I was a lot happier. - When I quite worrying about what people thought of me, I had more time to focus on myself and my creativity. It’s an AMAZING feeling when you know someone doesn’t like you and you’re 110% okay with that because you’re confident in yourself.
I’m like actually really funny… - Okay like not to toot my own horn or anything, but TOOT FREAKING TOOT. I’ve always been a super goofy person. I love to laugh and I love even more to surround myself with people who make me laugh. I was always so scared that whenever I tried to make a joke, that people wouldn’t find it funny or would call me dumb, but hey ya girl is actually funny.
I started to care less what other people thought. - I didn’t care if someone didn’t like my outfit, or didn’t like my hair, or didn’t like me period. Because guess what….I love my outfit, I love my hair, and I LOVE ME….point, blank, period. It’s a good feeling when you can honestly be confident in yourself, your decisions, and your life.
My anxiety seemed to get a little better. - When you’re not caring what other people think, it can do wonders on helping your anxiety.
I understood more of what I wanted in life and figured out how to get it. - When I started doing me and understanding what I liked, it def helped me understand what I wanted in life and how to get there.
Life became more fun. - I mean doing what you want and what makes you happy, is always more fun, right?!
shop my look
Steve Madden Boots - Okay, so I saw another blogger wearing these a couple months back and I was like, “I NEED THOSE.” Long story short, I decided to go ahead and buy them in January. So glad I did, because they are sooooo comfy. I wore them to work and then a work event where I was on my feet all night and they were still so comfy by the end of the night. I got a 7.5, but could’ve done a 7 honestly. Make sure you sign up for Steve Madden’s loyalty program…you’ll get free 2-day shipping, and 20% off!
Murad Face Wash / Multi-Mist - I literally can’t say enough amazing things about these 2 products. Murad sent them to me to try (*disclaimer), but I’ve been wanting to try their products for so long. After using them both for like 2 days, I could already tell a HUGE difference in my skin. The 1-2 breakouts I had were gone, my skin felt sooo soft, and it even had a glow to it.
Blue Light Glasses - If you work on the computer / your phone all day, then these are a definite MUST HAVE!! I used to get a headache halfway through the work day, but after using these for a like a week, I leave work with no headache. My eyes also don’t feel as dried out after work either!
makeup revolution concealer - I’ve been using this concealer for a couple months now and LOVE IT!! I know some of the big beauty vloggers love it too. I used to use Tarte Shape Tape, but quit because I didn’t want to spend $27 for concealer. The Makeup Revolution concealer is honestly the perfect dupe for shape tape!