Rebecca Folsom

Why Cutting Off Toxic Friends Is Important

Rebecca Folsom

There’s nothing worse than figuring out that a friend just isn’t right for you and isn’t a good fit in your life. It’s never easy to break up with them, but sometimes you have to put your big girl pants on, look at the red flags, and move on. This happened to me in college and recently happened again this year. Here are some warning signs I noticed from my failed friendships:

  1. It’s always about them. - I’ve had 2 friends in my life that did this. When I would vent about something in my life to them or talk about something amazing that happened to me, they would always interrupt and begin talking about themselves. That’s such a gross feeling when you’re opening up about something or seriously need some girl advice and you friend chooses not to listen or care.

  2. They’re always the victim + do nothing wrong. - When you let them know that something they did hurt your feelings or just wasn’t right, they always disagree and spin it back on you. Sadly, I’ve dealt with too many people like this. Friends and family members. Both of which I gladly cut off. If you can’t 1. take criticism or 2. admit when you did something wrong, that’s a major issue and total red flag. I recently confronted a former friend to tell her that something she said to me really hurt my feelings and her reaction was appalling. She spun it back on me and made herself the victim. Super annoying!

  3. They are never truly happy for you + don’t want to see you being the best you. - It truly sucks when you accomplish a goal and your friend totally isn’t happy for you. I’ve come to the conclusion that these types of people just aren’t happy and therefore don’t want to see anyone else happy. Be the person that gets super excited when their friend reachers a milestone in their life.

  4. They are constantly downing others. - People who can’t be happy for other people and constantly making notes of their flaws are the worst kinds of people. Woman already have it kinda tough, so let’s build each other up instead of tearing one another down. #girlbosses

  5. Always focusing on the negative. - No one likes a negative Nancy, agreed?! If your friend is constantly complaining and looking on the negative side of things, that can’t be good for yours or their mental health. RUN, girl, RUN.

  6. They talk badly about your other friends + family. - I’m SUPER protective over + close with my family. If a friend talks poorly or just doesn’t get along with my family or other friends, then it’s a total red flag to me. If you’re friends with someone, you should make an effort to get along with the other important people in their life.

  7. They use you. - This one really hits home with me. I had a friend recently that I found out was just using me for my talents. When you notice this red flag, RUN AWAY VERY QUICKLY.

    Something I Learned About My Recent Friend Break Up:

I got discouraged and sad about the situation. I was about to slip into my normal habit of “oh I’m sad, so let me feel bad about it and watch netflix all day,” but then I realized something. We all have the same 24 hours in the day. Do I really want to spend my 24 hours worrying about someone not worth my time or do I want to invest all of my energy into myself, my career, and living my best life?!

I decided that worrying about whether or not this person was out talking bad about me wasn’t really any of my business. If that’s how they wanted to spend their 24 hours, then so be it. I couldn’t focus on that anymore. I had goals to achieve and dreams to reach.

I unfollowed this person and everyone / thing associated with them and made an agreement with myself that I would never talk about them again. I wish them the best, but it’s just a big hell no for me. I’ve got memories to make & bills to pay…ain’t NOBODY got time for that.

So What Do You Do?

BREAK UP WITH THEM. Just as you would a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you don’t like confrontation. Slowly just stop spending time with them. When they ask to hang out, just be upfront and say “I’m really busy this week / month.” At some point, the invites will get less and less and they will move on. Some of my experiences breaking up with friends has been pretty civil, but others have been worse. Tears were shed and not so nice things were said on their part. I hated it, but I love my mental health way more.