So sorry if I’ve been MIA the past couple days. I took a short trip home to Georgia to see family for the first time in 8 months. That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without being home + seeing family.
We ultimately went to spend time with my grandma. Earlier this year, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. In 2016, I watched my other grandma’s health decline + her slow and painful death. I hated seeing her in pain. Both of my grandmother’s have always been such strong + smart women. They were some of the hardest working women I know + most likely where my quick wit + sarcasm comes from. Watching them go from such independent women to not even being able to do daily tasks on their own, has been one of toughest things to watch.
I’m writing this because I know that I’m not the only one who has a family member suffering from Alzheimer’s. I always want to be 110% real and upfront on my blog. My personal posts get 10x the views than any other. I totally don’t write the personal posts on my blog for the views. I do it because I know there are other women out there who can relate to these topics. I do it because I want other women to know that you’re not the only one going through these certain times in your life, watching their loved one decline in health and ultimately forgetting who they are. I do it because I know how hard it can be to process these tough subjects. Topics that no one really likes to talk about. Sometimes you don’t feel comfortable talking about it with others, but still need to work through the emotions somehow and I hope when you read these personal blog posts, that it helps you do just that.
More than anything, I’m pissed at the whole situation. No one deserves to go through something like this. The past couple of years for her have been so hard. She went through breast cancer, falling + breaking her hip, + surgeries, and now Alzheimer’s.
“It makes me sad that when I come home to visit, you wont be there. You won’t be there to vent to when I’m having a silly crisis, to stay up late (because we’re both night owls) and watch reruns of Impractical Jokers and Sex in the City. No more Carter’s chicken dinner’s in the living room watching Netflix for hours. The thought of you of not having you here on my wedding day (if that every happens ;)) makes me so sad. I don’t even want to think about what watching Sweet Home Alabama without you. Your fave movie ever! How many times do you think you’ve seen that movie? I’m pretty sure we can quote the entire movie. “Do we know, Mo?”
I’m so thankful for the summer we had in 2016. Traveling all around Georgia and Florida. Those are memories I will cherish forever. I miss you harassing me via text to pleeeeease stop at Rite Aid on the way home and pick you up your favorite chocolates. Hershey’s dark chocolate with almonds. Each time I eat one of those chocolates for now on, I’ll always think of you.
It’s on days like today where I really struggle. No one tells you that when you grow up, your family slowly starts to disappear. Losing one grandparent is tough, but losing another isn’t any easier. I want you here forever. It’s not fair that you have to grow up, pay bills, AND lose some of your favorite people. I know you’re still with us physically, but mentally and emotionally, you’re slowly slipping away. I’ll miss hearing your laughter, your perfect handwriting, and your love for books. I promise to always work hard like you + and live my life to the fullest.
Even though my eyes well up with tears from time to time, I am thankful for the small things in life. The fact that I do have so many memories of you that I’ll cherish forever, that you’re still here with us physically, and that you’re not in physical pain while your going through this. Maybe one day it will get easier to talk about and God will show me why he made you go through this.
“How lucky I was to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
Winnie The Pooh
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.”